MY LIFE IS A JOY TO ME (USUALLY)

Once again, I find myself disregarding any semblance of sanity in regards to my "bed time", but it's cool, I'm in a good mood and all that.

While puttering around on-line a song rang through my head-phones called "Ochs" by a guy named Bonnie Prince Billy. Really wanted to post the actual audio and/or video on here but it don't exist on the internet.

Rather than fold my cards I diligently transcribed the lyrics (I really need a hobby - maybe I need to start knitting).

SO! Although these lyrics might seems super depressing, I somehow manage to find them "uplifting". Sad songs sometimes have that effect on me, in that my mind will spin a negative thought into a positive one.

Fuck, I sooooo wish I could post the audio to this track, but thus far, I have been "Rock-Blocked". Dang! Anyways...

My life,
was once a joy to me
never knowing
I was growing every day

My life
was once a toy to me
and I wound it
and I found it ran away

So I raced through the night
with a face at my my feet
like a god I would write
all the melodies were sweet
and the women in were white
it was easy to survive

My life was so alive

My life
was once a flag to me
and I waved it
and behaved like i was told

My life
was once a drag to me
and I loudly
and I proudly lost control

I was drawn by a dream
I was loved by a lie
every surf on the sea
begged me to buy
but I slipped through the scheme
so lucky to fail

My life was not for sale

My life
is now a myth to me
like the drifter
with his laughter in the dawn

My life
is now a death to me
so i'll mold it
and i'll hold it 'til i'm born

So I turn to the land
Where I'm so out of place
through a curse on the plan
in return for the grace
to know where I stand

Take everything I own
take your tap from my bone
and leave my life alone

My life alone

You know, once upon a time "my life was a drag to me" and I'll admit it, sometimes I allow it to be. The difference between Old Me and New Me is that I quickly recognize this useless bullshit and pull myself out of it. Usually. At least, more so than I used to be capable of doing so. This feels like progress of sorts.

Whereas in the past I would wallow in despair, I now think about the good things in my life. Sure, there are things I NEED to change, like my unsatisfying line of work, but there are "work-arounds" for time being that preserve my sanity.

And I wouldn't trade my life right now for any other period of my life.

Things can always be better, but I have come to the realization that no is 100% happy/ideal/perfect. Show me someone who is and I'll point at the same person and label them a liar. Really - who is? It's all about degrees of satisfaction, and that thought is no longer depressing to me. In fact, it's empowering.

"Take your tap from my bone and leave my life alone"...I'll take it from here. I almost know what I'm doing, and though I might take a wrong turn from time to time, or refuse to pull over for directions, that's OK. I'm content to live and learn, as it were.

Though I will contradict myself and state that I am eager to learn from others. This also feels like progress.

Or maybe I need to go to sleep at a more reasonable hour...

PS - You're welcome Bonnie Prince! I seem to be the first to transcribe the lyrics to this song!