Wednesday, August 1, 2007


One of the perks I really enjoy about my job is the ability to wear whatever I want an any given day. Mind you, I would never wear shorts to the office (that would just look/feel odd, not to mention the A/C is cranked up to sub-Arctic temperatures), a t-shirt or a baseball cap. There are limits to what is and what is not acceptable. Jeans, however, are fair game. And not just on Fridays.

While getting ready for work today I took out the iron and the ancillary "I'm a bachelor that lives in the city" postage stamp-size ironing board. I was all set to iron a pair of linen (laugh if you will) pants when I realized that Roomie's fat ass cat sat on the damn thing a few months back, cracking it nearly in half (as you can tell - I don't iron my clothes very often). After giving Oxy (the cat) The Finger, I notice I'm running late and decide to throw on some jeans.

First, allow me to describe the jeans I'm wearing. They are a bit on the skinny side but by no means are they hipster "girl" jeans. The waist is a size 30 and as long as I don't eat an extra large deep dish pepperoni and spinach pizza from Lou Malnati's they fit fine (haha - that's my new favorite Chicago word: 'Malnati's"). For reasons beyond my comprehension, today seems to be an exception to this general rule of thumb.

The weird thing is they aren't tight around the waist, but rather, the crotch, thighs, ass and strangely, the knees. They even seem a little short. Had I washed them recently, it would make sense that they are a little tight, but they haven't been washed/dried in about 2 weeks. What the fuck? Is it the humidity? The A/C in my office? Did I grow 3 inches overnight? These are questions I need answers to people...

Apparently, I also need something to do here at work.


DB said...

okay, i have no sympathy for you for the sheer fact that you're wearing size 30 jeans

Matt-CNS said...

I agree with db, you wear a size 30 and that alone has me jealous.

Anonymous said...

Maybe your balls got bigger?


p.s. Did you know that it's commonplace to strap live goats to the roofs of minibuses with cargo net?

Anonymous said...

I would kill if my ass and waist fit in a size 30. Make that three fellow readers envious of your slimness, Justin.

K said...

Skinny Bitch....I'm done with you! ( Actually, I just squeezed into 31 slacks today for I guess I shouldn't really talk...LOL)

Hamilton said...

two possibilities.
1. you got fat
2. u just never realized how gay you were

mu ha ha

Dee said...

Damn I wish I could fit into a size 30 but I'm not far off being a 31. And I agree with hamilton... you either got fat or SUPER gay since I last seen you.

Silly Billy said...

Who the hell cares really, aren't the Cubs now in first place?????

Sounds like a fair tradeoff - Jeans that don't fit for your favorite team leading the NL Central.

Oh...and my word verification is Wrig (it sorta makes sense).

Jonathan said...

totally the humidity -- yes, that's it.

J.R. said...

I can wear size 30, too... Just sayin'

We could share clothes, 'cept I don't wear girls' jeans. Oh well.

Nothing Golden Stays

jay said...

Ooooh Burn J.R. lol. I'm also gonna jump on the "i wear size 30" bandwagon.

Maybe the gym is paying off more than you thought! Especially since it's not the waist.