Saturday, May 5, 2007


This trend of mine ending up in bars on Karoke Night on accident has got to stop.

Last night MarK and LA (which I don't think I ever noted is a reference to the state, not the city) went to what seemed like a nice, slightly dingy hole in the wall place, which it certainly was, (dive bars in Chicago can be a lot of fun).

This particular place was populated with an odd mix of local drunks and lesbians singing everything from Stone Temple Pilots to Mariah Carey, (the lesbians, not the local drunks).

We nearly bolted for the door but decided to stay due to our collective thirst (and out of reluctance to walk 4 blocks to the next place).

LA ordered us round of Fat Tire bombers and we settled in to watch the various baseball games on the TVs while poring over the details of the last few days, (btw the Cubs are on a hot streak!).

After 10 minutes or so I noticed a very cute boy surrounded by girls sitting at a table near us. Dude was sporting some trendy eyeglasses, skinny jeans, a plaid button down and slick sneakers...which is more or less what I was wearing, (down to the dark grey socks).

Noticing the quantity of empty beer bottles and shot glasses I surmised his friends seemed to be celebrating something. They were camera happy (flashes in a dark bar are really annoying) and kept kissing one another on the cheek and whatnot.

After watching the cute boy dance I was sure he played for my team. Even LA and MarK agreed. I believe LA's quote was "Man, this like a scene out of 'Chasing Amy' or something".

His female friends abandoned him to dance with each other so I figured this would be a perfect time to go and talk to him.

"Hey man, hows your night goin'?" said I.
"Ah hey, its gone predddy gawd I sooppose" he slurred.

Dude was hammered. Not drunk, fucking plastered.

Still, I remained on the bar stool next to him and we got to know a little about one another. He had just moved to Chicago from Nebraska (this is another weird trend, dude is the 3rd person in 6 months I met in a bar that just moved here) and was full of questions about the city. I played the part of Local Ambassador and gave him tips on how to get around, shady places to avoid, etc.

The he mentioned something about his girlfriend. Fuck. Me.

Turns out the hot girl singing "Papa Don't Preach" was his girlfriend. Damn. After slinking back to my table the following conversation occurred:

MarK: "I almost couldn't tell you two apart from behind".
Me: "We might have a similar taste in fashion, but not potential sex partners".
MarK: "He's straight? Come on..."
Me: "Dude, no one that high on 'truth serum' could pull off that lie".

Moments later, as if to prove my point he proceeded to join his now flailing about girlfriend on the dance floor and make out with her, (the local drunks seemed to envy him).

I envied her and ordered another round.


jay said...

Awww, I so hate it when that happens. All the guys I like tend to either turn out straight or on the down low. It's annoying.

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Dang that is annoying... more so when the gaydar is soo wrong.

3 people - ever thought of starting up a guide service? Might earn yourself an extra buck or two as well as the occasional shag ;o)

Dee said...

You really have bad luck man. But I know the feeling. It's hard to spot the gays from the straights in Chicago.

Hamilton said...

Regarding Dee's comment, I think that is a gREAT things, all the straight looking gays omg!