I GOT UPSOLD

A few days ago my internet connection disappeared. In vain, I tried that whole "unplug the modem and wait 30 seconds" bit, but to no avail. Staring at the dark "online" indicator light on the modem, I called Comcast, who determined that I needed someone to come out and check my connection. Grrrrrrh.

Then and hour or so later the little "online" indicator light magically sprung to life, and I took my head out of the oven. Whew! That was close. Anyways, I called Comcast back to cancel the service call. At the end of the call the nice lady on the phone said:

NICE LADY ON THE PHONE: "Mr. Justin, I see that you only have the basic cable TV package. Would you be interested in upgrading your service"?
ME: "Actually, I was thinking of canceling the TV service altogether seeing as I never watch it".
NICE LADY ON THE PHONE: "Well, you know if you cancel your TV service, the cost of your internet service with increase by $12 and you'll lose some speed on the connection".

She had me by the balls. How bullshit is that deal? Either I pay more money for slower internet or I pay more money to upgrade to digital cable. But then I thought about it for a second. The Cubs are kicking serious fucking ass, and most likely will make the playoffs. Seeing as there are almost never games on WGN anymore, I gave in.

But it's not that bad. I'm only paying $20 more a month, and instead of getting 25 useless channels (MSNBC anyone?) I now have command of 150+ glorious channels, most of which I am sure will be broadcasting complete and utter shit.

But then again...I have the Cubs game on in the other room, and this makes me happy.

OK, THAT WAS KINDA "GAY"

Actually, this was Really G-A-Y.

So, my Father is in town, and staying at my place. Last night, after I came home, we went to get some dinner at this TITS pizza place near me (I had the mozzarella/goat cheese/asparagus pizza - tastes better than it sounds, seriously).

After we got back to my place, we loafed about, read the Tribune and watched television.

Since I lack cable, I rarely if ever watch TV anymore, and I honestly cannot remember the last time I saw a full episode of Law & Order. It was an OK episode, I guess, but the "B" story was, um, well, gay...

There was a political character who was stuck in the closet, and was caught by the Po-Po doing the whole Larry Craig-Two Step in a bathroom.

This reminded me of my childhood when it seemed kind of weird to watch anything vaguely sexual on TV with my parents in the room. We're not really that uptight, however, we are white Midwesterner's, so perhaps certain family dynamics take on a conservative tone.

Anyways, it was just weird sitting near my Father when this fictional character was being accused, and then engaged in "gay' illicit activity.

We changed the subject...

The local news came and went, as did Nightline (really, the douche that did the Michael Jackson interview succeeded Ted Koppel?).

I thought the Old Man would retire...but then Oprah came on! And we watched most of the episode, which consisted of people doing random, and mostly stupid stunts (example A: a contortionist folded her tiny body into a suitcase, and then zipped it up).

Then the "gayness" was amped up a few fucking decibels by this guy:

Thank you Fan Yang for allowing two generations of gay men to "bond" over your random, uh, skillz.

Afterwards, I contemplated finding a tree to chop down or maybe change a tire, but since it was cold, I opted to drink a Miller Lite.