PLEASE SIR, I'D LIKE SOME MORE

In the early morning hours of Wednesday, February 6, a large and very ominous snow storm hovered over the Greater Chicagoland Area, dumping a tremendous amount of snow upon the region...

EVIL SNOW STORM: "HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
CHICAGOANS: (feigning grief-stricken terror) "...yawn..."
EVIL SNOW STORM: "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
CHICAGOANS: (casually filing nails) "...sigh..."
EVIL SNOW STORM: "..."
CHICAGOANS: "streets seem a bit slick"
EVIL SNOW STORM: (grimacing, getting pissed off) "I SHALL UNLEASH UPON YOU A WINTER STORM THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE YET TO SEE!"
CHICAGOANS: (rolls eyes) "like that storm from the late 1970's that cost Mayor Bilandic his re-election? Yeah, that sucked ass, but after that we determined not to let that shit happen again. Now we put snow plows on garbage trucks and shit..."
EVIL SNOW STORM: "...plows...on garbage trucks?"
CHICAGOANS: "thats right asshole, so let us fucking have it. In fact, give us your best/worst, we may not have to go to work in fact."
EVIL SNOW STORM: (about to lose it's damn mind) "YOU SHALL FEEL MY WRATH FOR VOTING FOR OBAMA! WE ALL KNOW HILLARY HAS THE EXPERIENCE THAT WE NEED TO LEAD OUR NATION IN A NEW DIRECTIO-"
CHICAGOANS: "piss off asshole - go fuck with Indiana"

A personal thanks to the Snow God(s) that rule the Midwestern skies - I really enjoyed having my boss call me at 7:12AM just to tell me NOT to come into work. Woot!

Today was spent sleeping until 11AM, working out at the gym, grocery shopping, doing laundry and looking for jobs. Pretty fucking awesome.

So awesome, that I pose a challenge to said Snow God(s): RIP US A NEW ONE MOTHERFUCKER(S)! Seriously, I don't want to go to work tomorrow...give us more snow!

WINTER WONDERLAND

I need to get off a quick rant about the snow and driving around in it. 2 words, fucking scary. I've been driving in snow for 11 years now but this morning's commute was one of the worst experiences I've ever had. I knew traffic was going to be a bitch and that I would likely be late to work so I took my time getting ready rather than rushing right out. There were subtle signs that the side streets around my apartment had been plowed, but it was not encouraging. The snow was ankle deep and the winds were reportedly whipping around at 40+ mph. Visibility was scarce at best. I brushed off my car and spun it wheels barely make it out of the parking spot. Making the first left onto a major street I slid through the intersection before straightening out. I tried alternating my route to take as few turns as possible but even accelerating from a stop in second gear I kept sliding left to right before the tires gained traction.

Various accidents slowed my pace to just under 10 mph but the worst was a few of the hills on the far northwest side of city. My car has a manual transmission so accelerating on an incline in bumper to bumper traffic is annoying in the best of conditions, and on top of the slick roads I was stuck behind a CTA bus for at least 3 miles. White. Knuckles. After an hour and 20 minutes I was almost at work before I nearly died. Some asshole in a black Jeep Wrangler with huge tires, apparently trying to prove his truck's all weather prowess, lost control changing lanes. Had I left 30 seconds later this morning The Silver Bullet would likely have been crushed like a can of Coors. Whew.

Since my employers are not sadists they decided to close the office at 2:30. The ride home wasn't nearly as harrowing but it still took an hour and a half (normal time is roughly a third of that) and had several minor close calls. Parallel parking involved pointing the nose of my car at the nearest snow bank and stomping on the gas. Digging out tomorrow morning should be fun.

Now that I'm home I refuse to leave for anything, save maybe an Arcade Fire show, but they won't be here until May so I don't think I'll be going anywhere. I have food, beer, 3 movies from Netflix to watch and thanks to the internet, virtually unlimited porn to keep me occupied.