HOLY SHIT DO I MISS DRIVING

One of the perks of sitting on Ex-Roomie's cats/cat sitting, is use of her sweet ride. It's fairly modest, a little black Hyundai sedan, but on the right day, at the right time, it's such a fun ride. Today was that day and I "celebrated" by rocking De La Soul's "The Grind Date" at maximum volume.

All I needed to do was to run a few errands around the 'hood, but I kept taking the long way around, just to prolong removing the key from the ignition. And it got me thinking...I need to work even fucking harder than I have been, so I can afford my dream-ish ride, which is a 1998-ish Volvo 850 Turbo wagon. Specifically in black. Like this example...

Picasso had his canvases...this is mine (one day). I'd murder that bitch out, dump it down an inch or too, stick some sweet 20" rims on it and tear ass all over the North Side of Chicago like I was the son of an alderman. It would have a 5-speed manual transmission, the better to redefine the concept of "drove it like you stole it". For now, spandex laden asshole bikers are safe.

PS - I would accept a Lotus Elise as a substitute (my birthday is only 5 months away!).

I HEART MARK SALLING/PUCK

OK, here goes...I need to get something off my chest. Whew. I totally watch the shit out of the new show Glee. Yes, it well written, well acted, etc, but one of the main reasons I watch it, is because of the character Puck.

Now, I assume since he's an actor playing a high school character that he was like, 23 or something, but he's even older (my research indicates 27). That little bit of trivia upped hotness factor. I don't know what it is...he's not that good-looking, and in fact he's the type of guy that usually annoys the shit out of me.

You know the type...cocky as all hell, thinks he's the shizz, etc. And don't get me started on the stupid fucking fake poser "Mohawk" thing. Any yet...despite all the things going against him, last night I had a dream of going against him, as it were. OK, let me clarify, if it were up to me, we'd be bumping uglies til' the break of dawn.

And yet...I struggle to understand why this person compels me to fantasize about getting in his pants. That type of guy is nowhere near to what I'd want in a boyfriend. But still, that raw, manly swagger (and he's from Texas too, another random quality that for whatever reason makes me want it in the worst way) that makes my nipples harder than alloy steel (eat your heart out Gloria!).

If you'll excuse me, I must prepare myself for tonight's new episode of Glee...

CAR + MOTORCYCLE = ARIEL ATOM

Yesterday I was filling the tiny tank of my car and I started thinking about how insane gas prices are. This week a report was released that declared the most expensive gasoline in the US was sold right here in Chicago, averaging north of $4 a gallon.

Though my car specifies premium fuel I compromise and use mid-grade which means that to fill 3/4 of my tank costs about $42.00 - money that could be better spent on clothes, booze or concert tickets. But I digress.

This got me thinking about different transportation alternatives. My lease is up in 12 months and I've been pondering it's eventual replacement. I could go the hybrid route and opt for a Prius, or perhaps purchase an economical diesel, such as a VW Golf TDI.

But frankly, I'd rather die than drive a jelly bean shaped hybrid or another VW (I've had 2 thus far, and although I liked both, the new ones are overweight, overpriced and over-ugly).

So what then? A motorcycle is an interesting alternative, one that would use little gasoline and would afford me the speed which I have become accustomed to. Problem is, bikes scare the living shit out of me, especially driving in Chicago traffic.

What I've found is in my mind the perfect "hybrid". A vehicle with 4 wheels with the speed and efficiency of a motorbike...ladies and gentlemen, behold, the mighty ARIEL ATOM!

Powered by a Honda KOA2 engine of which I have become familiar (the same mill found in my current ride), supercharged it so it develops 300HP and bolt it to a chassis that doubles as an exoskeleton weighing a total of 1,400LB, and you have a whip capable of going rocketing you to 60MPH in 2.9 seconds. Gah-Damn!

The only car faster is the mighty (and insanely expensive) Bugatti Veyron. For about E43,000 (as in Euro) you can obtain a fuel slipping time machine that may lack doors, windows or a roof, but will instill fear in anything you are likely to encounter on a public roadway.

Of course getting valid plates can be an issue, but nothing this AWESOME should come easy. Some production bikes may be faster in a straight-away, but the most fun one can have on four wheels comes when one defies physics and can pull mad G's in turns.

Need proof? Watch this video of Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson at the 3 minute mark when his face is literally peeled back from the rush provided courtesy of the Atom. This thing is fucking SICK!

RAW FUCKING POWER

Well...it's Monday and since my mind has decided to buck the usual "I Hate Life" Monday trend and I found myself in a good mood, giddy even. Not sure why but perhaps it has something to do with the relaxing and quiet weekend I just had in which the highlight was buying an old leather belt from a thrift store for $3 (such a score...to the ghost of the dead man that used to wear it, I'll treat it well, really, just don't cringe if and when a boy takes it off with his teeth).

Since any substantial thought eludes me at the moment, I figured I would knock out a list of objects that reside within my vehicular fantasy world. It never made sense to me why people that find themselves with a fuck-load of disposable income restrict themselves to tricking out a lame Cadillac Escalade or have the audacity to park a Ferrari next to a Lamborghini (btw, Lance Briggs is a moron). To me, that's weak and absent of creativity. You gotta think BIG.

With this in mind I present a list of vehicles that have but one thing in common: RAW FUCKING POWER!

BUGATTI VEYRON 16.4

If God ever decided to hang out with us mere mortals, this would be his whip. The stats alone are breathtaking: The W-16 cylinder engines pumps out a mind-blowing 987 HP and 922 lb-ft of torque, propelling the Bu' to 0-60MPH in 2.7 seconds, which just a hop, skip and jump to the 248.5 mph top speed. If ever a car was worth a million George Washington's, this would be it. In lieu of said $1,000,000 I would consider exchanging a testicle for the keys to one.

PUTZMEISTER 63Z-METER

Construction Equipment magazine included the 63Z Putz on it's list of 100 Top Product Awards in 2005, and it's little wonder why. This Concrete Boom Pump will pour concrete from a horizontal or vertical distance of 200 feet. How fucking hot is that? I'm not a homeowner, but if I was I would while away lazy Sunday afternoons laying concrete wherever I damn please from the comfort of my couch. That thing has a remote right? Hot!

DOUGLAS DC12-44-400

Many a time I have gazed upon an airport tarmac and watched the various machines ply their trade, but none so intently as the mighty Doug Tug. Capable of pushing or pulling 600 tons of tourist laden fuselage, the DC12-44-400 is nothing short of amazing. It's not as easy on the eyes as the Bu', but I still like what I see. That shit is Raw!

CATERPILLAR 994F WHEEL LOADER

The man-made equivalent of 1,463 horses makes re-think my marketing career. Perhaps I should really live in rural Wyoming and work at coal mine, just so that I can pilot this beast about the Great Plains. You could easily fit a Camry in that scoop. The next time I'm stuck in traffic on the Kennedy, I want to be sitting in a 994F!

O&K RH400

Need I really say more? Whether I'm in the mood to go out and party on the town or go strip mining in Canada, the '400 would ideally be my primary mode of transportation. Fuck a limo when you can pull up to the valet stand in a vehicle capable of picking up a limo! That has got to be the biggest shovel on the face of this earth. 4,400HP powers those enormous treads. HOT!

Thus concludes my seemingly random post of POWER. Here's to a good work week...Cheers!

NEW HEADER...AND MAYBE NEW SHOES

I still might mess around with the new banner a bit as I'm having a lot of fun with pictures as of late. Eventually I'll figure out how to make my banner rotate... perhaps make an automobile that runs on water. Oh, and I'm kinda high so...thus this lame cop out post!

I've been looking at shoes and listening to music and the conclusion that I have just arrived at is this: if anyone else in the Chicagoland area buys these before I do, I'm gonna be pissed.

Roomie just made fun of me again for my burgeoning sneaker fetish. I never thought about it this way before, but I think I just might be "sneaker gay". How would one define such a concept? Like, maybe if everything else I'm wearing is standard issue dude attire but my sneakers are just kinda gay (in a fun, stylish way).

Another thought, T was right...Blitzen Trapper is the SHIT!

Speaking of shit...note the new tag. It might pop up with increasing frequency. Mind you, these are NOT things I need, just some shit I want.