Showing posts with label 5 MINUTE CRUSH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 5 MINUTE CRUSH. Show all posts

Monday, March 31, 2008

TODAY WAS A GOOD (MON) DAY

The suburban office building near O'Hare Airport is at less than 50& occupancy. The 4th Floor that I work in houses a school for the local "rejects" (i.e. the misguided high school kids that are anything but) and my office. The rest of floor, and many below, are unoccupied.

Though I am not "In Love" with my job, I do very much like the fact that I no longer work for a large corporation. That being said, there was one major benefit that my former employer un-intentionally offered: eye candy, and lots of it.

The current job, not so much. There are 4 or 5 guys that work for a mortgage company on the 1st floor, and are all hot in their own ways, but none of them do it for me.

And then a few weeks ago I was having my customary 4:45 PM-ish smoke (see, I cleverly designed my schedule so that should be leaving at 5:30 PM, but since everyone leaves around 4 Pm or 4:45PM i wait them out then bail) when I noticed an attractive guy exiting a black Honda in the parking lot.

He was carrying a black laptop bag and thought "huh, he's cute, but probably doesn't work here...etc" but a few days later I was coming up from the basement stairs and saw the same guy sitting at the security desk.

Because this picture is not a good representation:

...I thought I would try me best to describe what he looks like.

Remember, this guy is not a model, rather he's somewhat average looking, but after seeing the same guy on multiple occasions for a moment or 2, I began to recognize the way that different light makes him look...and damn if he ain't HOT.

Last Friday, I was playing with my iPhone, Camel in hand and looked up when I heard someone approaching. It was HIM, but all I did was make a casual "how-ya-doin" head nod thing.

When I left work tonight I took the back stairs just so I could walk past him, and have some semblance of interaction (another polite head nod, this time with a few more milliseconds of eye contact. How lame is that?).

While stuck at a red light, I briefly thought of a far-fetched fantasy where I turn my car around, drive back to work and make out with the new security guard on the couch in the lobby of my office building...

...then after merging into light traffic, I gunned the engine on my car, turned off NPR, plugged in my iPod and proceeded to Rawk the Fuck out for the next 25 minutes.

Seeing as the Cubs lost today, and it was a Monday, overall, Today was a Good Day.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I MAY HAVE SEEN THE PERFECT ASS TODAY

DISCLAIMER: This is yet another non-intellectual/totally useless post. But when one is confined to a cubicle for 8 hours a day, well, things like the "story" below become the highlight of one's day.

While on my lunch break today I developed a fierce, though fleeting, 5 Minute Crush while standing in line at the deli counter at a grocery store. I go to this place at least once a week because it's close to my office, they have great food, and I almost always see at least one hot guy dressed in business casual attire. Today was no exception, to say the least.

As I was walking up to get I line, I noticed him. Well, to be honest, since his back was towards me the first thing noticed was his ass. His amazing, perfect, dare I say supple, ass. Really. You should have seen this thing. Most times when guys in their early/mid 20's wear office type pants it obscures, rather than accentuates their ass. Not this guy. Not this ass.

Here are a few of the thoughts that passed through my mind while waiting in line for my sandwich. Enjoy!

"holyfuckingshit he has an amazing ass"
"I wonder where he bought those pants, I could use a pair like that"
"wow, that chin cleft somehow makes him hotter, almost looks like Tom Brady's chin"
"omg, omg, omg, he totally just caught me staring"
"his eyes are amazing, like diamonds or something equally cheesy"
"hmmm, should I get the 'hail Caesar turkey' sandwich or the 'primo italiano' sandwich?"
"seriously, that is an amazing ass!"
"this woman is standing way too close to me, back off lady, I'm hungry too!"
"man, I love the shoes I'm wearing"
"dammit, he caught me staring again"
"that better be his co-worker and not his fucking girlfriend"
"I wonder what he would look like with my penis in his mouth"
"yes, yes, lean over the counter, just...like...that"
"if I say 'I'll think have what he's having' will anyone get the 'When Harry Met Sally' reference?" "ooo, I think I caught him staring as me! (yeah right)"
"damn, I wonder if I could ask his ass out for a drink..."
"he has to be straight"
"but his does kind of have gay hair"
"OK, no straight man has that good of taste in shoes"
"Justin, you are deluding yourself...he likes boobs"
"I bet he is an ass man (haha)"

There were many, many other dirty thoughts and/or scenarios playing out in my head during those 5 glorious minutes, which I will keep under my hat.

Eventually I got my food, and Ass-Man and his two coworkers went to sit down. Now, this particular grocery store is a oddly popular lunch spot, therefore they have not one, but two large seating areas. I always sit upstairs because it's quiet and I have room to spread out the newspaper.

I thought for sure that Ass-Man and his coworkers were heading for the first floor section, but at the last moment, they headed upstairs (YES!). Ben Franklin once said that "beer is proof that God loves man" or something. Which I totally agree with. But I think that God loves me because I got to see Ass-Man walk up a flight of stairs (mad props to the big man up there). It was lovely...

The story basically ends there (rather than in the backseat of my car, as I had hoped). I didn't want to be THAT GUY staring at him, but a few times he got up and must confess I did steal a couple sidelong glances. Mostly I focused on my sandwich and the Chicago Tribune. Sigh.

You better watch your ass Beckham, Ass-Man might just have you beat.