THINGS I HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE WITHOUT

Life has presented me with a serious of challenges lately, but I think I have adapted well. Living in a big city isn't always easy, but sometimes you can do more with less, and appreciate it accordingly. Of course, the lack of certain things leave me wanting for more, but, in a roundabout way, it keeps me modest and appreciate that little things. Here goes. 

#1 Car

Whenever I see an Acura RSX Type-S parked on the street, my heart swoons. I loved that car dearly and it really, fucking sucked when it was stolen. However, she was a pricey bitch; between gas, insurance and the monthly payments, it was over $500 a month, more than my rent. So I am actually grateful to be relieved of it. BUT...not a day goes by I don't miss it.  

#2 Boyfriend

I constantly go back and forth on this one, but at least right now, I am happy being single. Relationships are a lot of fucking work, and yes, rewarding, but sometimes is better just dealing with my own shit, on my own terms, without the added work of dealing with someone else's. That being said, I have no idea how I landed a hottie like my ex; but like my beloved, departed car, probably more trouble than it was worth. 

#3 Marijuana

For over 15 years I was very much an "enthusiast" of smoking weed. And not weak shit either; I was lucky enough to have almost constant access to extremely, strong hydroponic shit.My tolerance was ridiculous, and now that I don't smoke that anymore, I get absolutely HAMMERED when I do. Just 2 weeks ago, I took 2 hits and thought I was going to die. For real. I'll stick with PBR. 

#4 Contact Lenses

Since the forth grade I have been prescribed corrective vision of one kind or another. At first, I was all about glasses, but when I attempted to play sports, I got contacts. Around the 6th or 7th grade until about 2 years ago I struggled with putting those fucking things in my eyes. NEVER again. And I won't het LASIK either. Instead I just got another pair of glasses, and I shall wear them until I die. 

#5 Cable TV

Being a homebody, as I tend to be, I watch a lot of television. As a child of the 80's, I was fortunate enough to grow up on Nickelodeon, MTV and HBO. I didn't think I could live without it, but I cut the cord last year. Netflix, Hulu and picking up books has more than made up for the lack of video-based entertainment. I do not miss it, nor am I am willing to pay through the nose for it. Comcast...eat a dick!  

Next up...THINGS I CAN"T LIVE WITHOUT!
   

KILLED IT (IN A GOOD WAY)

MANAGER: "You know *** isn't working tonight?"

ME: "Yeah, um, you make the schedule, but I'll be fine". 

Despite that slight hesitation, I seamlessly acted as a conduit between:

-4 Managers

-3 Servers

-5 Chefs

-4 Food Stations 

-2 Bussers

-1 Restaurant

-2 Bars

-70+ guests

-2 Floors

And no body cried, screamed or threatened to quit. To be honest, I was concerned. Ensuring quality and timely service to 70+ people isn't like climbing a mountain; and I don't want to let my head swell, but it's not easy keeping all these disparate elements together, especially when the majority of the guests arrive in limited time frame. 

Like when 50 people arrive within an hour of each other, ordering 4 courses (not including bread or drinks). Sure I have help. But besides the managers, my co-workers have their specific tasks. Taking orders, making drinks, prepping and/or cooking the actual food, busing tables, etc. I don't have to much of those things, but...hold the FUCKING GLUE together. 

While I was ducking for cover for a brief minute, this image popped into my brain: 

That is what I do. And also present the actual food to people, with lavish descriptions in hushed tones, careful to NEVER revel the back of my hand to plates I am laying ever so carefully down. OR letting anything fall out of place, lest the person paying $$$ for a 4oz piece of fish be let down. I actually take it to heart if a single piece of lentil falls astray. 

It's frustrating...but also really fucking rewarding. When things so right, as they did tonight, I mean...the money doesn't even matter that much (lies). What really does is just KICKING FUCKING ASS. And it's not that I am that smart, it's just that I have absorbed the knowledge other people have been generous to lend me, and me passing it on. 

Just an random example: this particular plate of scallops is accompanied by exactly 8 dots of japernero yogurt. This guy asked for more of it, "OK, no problem sir)". I knew it would be easy to ask chef for more...but how to properly present it? I ran around for 3 minutes, sweating, looking for the correct container, a tiny piece of ceramic I could blink and miss, buried in the kitchen that is four times bigger than my apartment, and found it. 

What I mean is, compared to the restaurants I used to work at, even if the money isn't too much different...I just GET OFF on being challenged. Sure, I might have a day or two when I just don't feel like working, but had I stayed busting out beer/burger joints, GOD - HOW FUCKING boring. 

PS - Best quote of the night = "Tonight's cheviche is..."

HAPPY 2010!

Dear 2010,

Listen up, bud, I got some news for you, it's a simple, though extremely important message - DON'T FUCKING FUCK WITH ME! Remember your friend 2009? I killed his bitch ass last night and dumped it's body in the south branch of the Chicago River. Near Bubbly Creek (because I can be a vindictive dick like that).

If you think that the force of time is greater than that of yours truly, I got news for you, it's NOT because I'll be here long, long after you are gone. So let's makes this easy on both us, don't fuck with me and I'll make some vague fucking resolution like using the word "fuck" less often. Cool?

Now that we got bit of business out of the way, I must tell you, I have been awaiting your arrival for quite some time. You're arrival was shared with many, though surely not all of my great friends where there was much drinking, eating to listening to old Motown records. It pretty much kicked ass. Oh! And there was even some hot ass eye candy for me! I mean, whoa, I could see the veins in his arms underneath his fucking (oops! sorry!) shirt! I couldn't have asked for more. Well, maybe a blowjob from the hot ass piece of eye candy, but I digress.

So, cheers 2010! Let's make this the best and least awkward start to the new decade.

Respectfully Yours,

Justin

PS - I got you a gift. It's a "rap" video produced by Christian teens expounding the virtue of the Christian Side Hug. Enjoy.

HAPPY PRIDE BITCHES!

This weekend was such a blur, a fun blur, but a blur just the same. First off...I kicked off the weekend with an HIV test (didn't see THAT coming did you?); I wasn't worried, I play safe and I'm not that much of a whore. Still, I try to get tested every 6 months or so. Many, many thanks to the fine people at the Center on Halstead! They made the 30 minutes both informative and stress-free (I freak the fuck OUT when I'm waiting for test results). But good news...NEGATIVE! Can I get a WOOT or what? WOOT!

Sooo. PRIDE! Yes, was so much fun. My buddy had a backpack full of booze, and we drank, oh, WE DRANK. Although I was not able to meet up with various friends because of the insane crowds, we still had a lot of fun. Here's some pics...

Afterwards, my friend's friend invited us to a pool party; you ever see those generic looking high rises in Lincoln Park? The ones with the pool deck above the parking garages? Well, this was like that. For $10 I got a wristband that allowed me to rape the shit out of a keg of beer. The only downside was that the winds whipping off the lake were so fierce, that the beer was literally flying out from my cup.

And then we went to the beach! You people on the left and right coasts are missing out on the awesome-ness that is Lake Michigan. To be able to frolic in one of the largest bodies of fresh water anywhere, is a joy second to none. It kicks ASS.

Meanwhile, I need to rid my place of sand! WOOT! Cheers folks!

YOU'RE FIRED

Well, it's 10:41AM in Chicago, but I'll invoke the family's proud motto, which is "it's Five O'Clock Somewhere in the World". Normally I don't start drinking this early, but I got celebrating to do! Bring on the motherfuckin' Jim Beam...because I just got fired!

Can a get WOOT?!

Now, most people would think that's being dismissed with little more of an explanation than "it just isn't working out, we know you tried you're best, etc, etc" and being offered a handshake would seem like a profoundly devastating experience.

But not in this case because I fucking hated that motherfucking job and also working for a person that felt it necessary to shove this Right Wing Asshole Republican bullshit on his employees (example here).

In his defense, he did cut me a check for August, and another one will be arriving shortly for the month of September. Oh, and I can keep my health benefits too. So I got time to look for a new job, masturbate even more frequently and get back on track with my gym schedule.

I think I'll be just fine...oh, and I'll NEVER have to see this person again. WOOTx10!

3RD 4 DAY WEEK!

You know, I talk a lot of shit about my job/employers, but sometimes, they can be pretty fuckin' cool. Just today, while trying to keep up with the rising tide of bullshit that is my inbox, I received a lovely e-mail from the Powers That Be: they decided to close out office tomorrow!

Aawwwwwwwwwww, ssssssssssshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttt!

How awesome is that shit? I thought I was being clever when I took a Friday, then a Monday off for my Denver trip. I was satisfied to have 2 consecutive 4 day work weeks, and now, I got 3! WOOT! Mad props to that Creepy Bunny Man. Also, Jesus.

This is when I am thankful that I work for religious people. I suppose I should give "praise and thanks" and go to church (hahahaha). Also, I shall drink Champagne on Sunday, read the paper, get way too high and eat too much bacon. Fuckin' A!

CONNECTING SOME DOTS

On Friday night I met my Bro and his GF at a Wrigleyville bar for several rousing games of Connect Four. Turns out, I fucking suck at that game! Still I had fun just talking and sipping beers with the Bro/GF Dynamic Duo.

One topic of conversation was that of my Father's relationship with his Partner In Crime (my term, not theirs). A few friends have expressed astonishment at the relative lack of knowledge I have about they met and all that.

Honestly, I tend not to pry because it really doesn't matter to me. What is of import is that he is happy. Period.

However, being a curious person I am intrigued when certain details are revealed, like what I was told on Friday night, over a game of Connect Four.

Father was in town for a day/night this past week, but unfortunately I was unable to see him (although he returns next week, so it's all good).

Over lunch, my Father related certain details about his Partner. For example, Father's Partner's former Partner died three years ago, a result of him being an alcoholic and a diabetic.

This caused Father's Partner to become severely depressed, and in a sad turn of irony, he began to exhibit signs of alcoholism.

Then, he met my Father through mutual friends (I swear to God there must be another network of older gay male bloggers that my Father is a part of, haha).

See, my Father is diabetic. Thankfully, he is not an alcoholic (he's a lightweight - my ability to consume booze comes from my Mother's side) but I think that formed the basis of a major connection.

Whatever; bottom line is that since they have been living together, Father's Partner has stopped drinking in excess, and my Father is no longer taking anxiety medication, and he sleeps well now (which was a problem for him in the past).

So whatever their true status is...doesn't matter to me because my Father is visibly happier than he has been in a LONG time. Dare I say, he seems to be experiencing some sort of belated renaissance.

He even told me so, and as you can imagine, Father's can be cagey about expressing their emotions. That alone is HUGE progress for My Old Man.

I love him.