BULLS 103-HEAT 82

First off - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OK, I think I got that out of my syst-HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Haha. Ha.

After I was done with my shift at work I thought about sticking around to watch the Bulls game, I mean, I don't have 65" HDTVs in my crib. But the combination of my boss - who was a DICK to me earlier in the day and my pissed off co-workers, and back to my boss; after I was off he was SO nice to me...he was TOO NICE. It's like dude...piss off.

Anyways, I just needed to seek refuge in my Man Cave, with my modest TV and have a beer alone. And the Bulls did NOT disappoint. Even if you are not a basketball fan, and I'm not a huge one by any means, you should view the awesomeness below.

Pretty sure my neighbor's think I have turret's after that play, because I shouted something along the lines of "FUCKYEAHYOUFUCKINGMOTHERFUCKERSTAKEITLIKETHEBITCHESYOUARE". Or something to that effect. And I think I may have gotten a boner.

PS - Speaking of boners, I totally have big old throbbing one for Derrick Rose. He is hot!

HAND JOBS FROM STRANGERS, AND STUFF

After I got my haircut last week (or rather 2 weeks ago...almost) when I alluded to the random hot Latino guy that gave me a hand job while sitting at the bar (for the record, I stopped him, and didn't get off), I thought, "Huh, that was odd" and dismissed it from my mind.

Fast forward a week later, I'm riding the Red Line at 3:10AM, just left work, and I sit down...across from the same guy that wants my shit. Funny thing is, I didn't recognize him at first, I just thought he was another attractive random stranger. Which he was.

But the wheels in my head began to turn and I thought "where do I know this guy from?" He clearly knew me, my occupation, etc. He asked about how my work shift went, and as we neared the Belmont "L" stop, he drew nearer and offered to buy me drinks at some random Boystown bar.

I declined. Though flattered, and tempted, I quickly thought myself, "I really like the guy I'm with". Speaking of, that's not going...PERFECT, but both willing to make the effort to make it work, and apparently spurn the advances of a guy I would bend over my kitchen table.

Am I getting old, mature or both? PS - it's been 5 days since I last kissed my Man, and it feels like forever.

THE NEW MAN IN MY LIFE

Shit, this happened fast, and I'm resisting labeling this guy as my "boyfriend", mostly out of fear it will all turn to shit. But it's true, I'm falling, hard and fast. "Sal", as i will refer to him here, is a waiter at the restaurant next to the bar I work at. He's been coming in for months, and admitted he's been crushing on me for 6 months [awwww].

It's kinda perfect; he's done with work, comes by, we try not to lock eyes (that much) even though everyone is aware of the situation, speaking of, my manager is dating his manager, so there's that. Did I mention he's tall, black and has dreads? And that's he's hot as hell? He is. So there. Not trying to brag, just figuring this shit out.

I have a hard and fast rule, in that I like to keep a clear separation between work and my personal life, but the more I am ingrained in working at this job, the more blurry it gets, and this, I suppose, is a case in point. It's a positive thing, awesome in fact, but I have to draw a line somewhere.

That being said, it's pretty nice going home at the end of the night with an attractive guy that refuses not to get me off. So there's THAT. Oh, and he lives around the corner from where my Bro and his wife lives. I was standing in the rain, waiting for the bus, texting my my bro, when I heard "JUSTIN! JUSTIN!". It was she. How apt.

Explaining my walk of shame is easier to someone whom I am now officially related to.

PS - As I was putting my pants on, his friend, this smoking hot guy, opened the bedroom door, and damn, just....damn. The thoughts going through my head right now will be mostly kept to myself, for obvious reasons.

HOLY SHIT DO I MISS DRIVING

One of the perks of sitting on Ex-Roomie's cats/cat sitting, is use of her sweet ride. It's fairly modest, a little black Hyundai sedan, but on the right day, at the right time, it's such a fun ride. Today was that day and I "celebrated" by rocking De La Soul's "The Grind Date" at maximum volume.

All I needed to do was to run a few errands around the 'hood, but I kept taking the long way around, just to prolong removing the key from the ignition. And it got me thinking...I need to work even fucking harder than I have been, so I can afford my dream-ish ride, which is a 1998-ish Volvo 850 Turbo wagon. Specifically in black. Like this example...

Picasso had his canvases...this is mine (one day). I'd murder that bitch out, dump it down an inch or too, stick some sweet 20" rims on it and tear ass all over the North Side of Chicago like I was the son of an alderman. It would have a 5-speed manual transmission, the better to redefine the concept of "drove it like you stole it". For now, spandex laden asshole bikers are safe.

PS - I would accept a Lotus Elise as a substitute (my birthday is only 5 months away!).

I AM OFFICIALLY AN AWESOME ROOMIE

This morning my Roomie was running around and freaking out because the washing machine in our building was "broken". It was actually just a minor snafu (I love that word) because she leaves for Osaka in the morning and didn't want to fly across the Pacific Ocean commando. Since she was already late for work, I fixed the machine and did her laundry for her.

This is the weird part; while waiting for her underwear to dry I turned on the TV, and guess what came on? The episode of No Reservations where Anthony Bourdain visits Osaka! In said episode he takes in a Osaka (or is it Hanshin?) Tigers baseball game. Oh my, I just gained yet another goal in life, which is to attend a proper Japanese baseball game.

So in return for doing the most menial of chores, I asked for at least a t-shirt to rock for my new found favorite Japanese baseball team. But what I really want is pictured below, which is a fitted New Era 59Fifty Tigers cap from sporting the 1959 logo. That shit is motherfucking TIGHT...but according the currency converter I used, it costs $70. Darn!

I am so, So, SO jealous of my Roomie...Osaka seems like such an awesome fucking city to run around and get lit up in. If anyone in that city reads this, consider this a shout out. You got it going on yo!

A PUBLIC NOTICE

If you're a man between the age of 21 and 40, and are Black, Latino or White, and have a decent body and fucked up sense of humor, consider yourself warned: I AM ON THE FUCKING WAR PATH. I felt it's only fair to give you all 24 hours notice (I have to work tonight) but if you're out and about tomorrow night, you might just encounter a sexually frustrated guy named Justin. And if you go back to his home (or yours) IT'S FUCKING ON like Donkey Kong. Feel free to lie about your name, your job and even provide me with a fake phone number. I honestly don't care. As long as you're flexible and have nice eyes, we're good to go. I'm not fucking around, we're gonna get our mutual FUCK on.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

AUDI'S NEW SNUFF FILM

Sometimes things other than images of people fucking turn me on, specifically well designed objects like a skyscraper, a pair of shoes or in this case, a REALLY FAST FUCKING CAR. The Audi R8 Spyder is a member of my masturbatory dream garage and now they made it even better. The 5.2L v10 pumping out 525HP and 391LB-FT of torque is still there, as is the aluminum space frame, only now they ripped the rood off. Praise Jesus. Seriously. I know people always embed stupid clips of random shit on blogs, but the 90-second film below is super fucking neat-o. Check it out!

Anyone got $150,000 to loan me? I really need a car and this one suits me perfectly. It's wildily impracticable, it guzzles gas like Pierre Fitch guzzles cock and would you look at those LCD headlamps!!! I WANT! As if you haven't already noticed, this car brings out my inner 12 year old. Which I think is the point of cars like this. Well, that and to get laid like, 8 times day. Which would actually be a necessity since the sound of the mid-engine would make my dick hard.

PS - I'll settle for the hard top version too. Or a Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4 (both are very much the same under the skin).

PPS - I think I should get a job writing copy for car ads. Audi? HELLO!

THERE IS A GOD, AND HE LOVES ME

The following picture means exactly 3 things:

1. There really is a God, and he loves me.

2. My life is now complete.

3. Jason deserves one hell of a blowjob for sending me the link.

Words alone cannot explain the intensity of the orgasm I just gave myself (or rather Grady Sizemore did), I mean, it's not everyday that you get to see the guy you've been in an imaginary, long-term relationship reveal this much of himself. Sure, he took the pictures for his porn star ex-girlfriend, but I'll make believe he was squeezing his nuts just for me! Also, that man can really, really rock a suit. UGH, he's so fucking hot!

I REALLY LIKE MIDDLE-OF-THE-NIGHT SEX

I know there are a plethora of people out there like claim to prefer morning sex, or afternoon sex, or hate sex or whatever-the-fuck-else sex: but let me be clear: I'm very much a fan of Middle-Of-The-Night sex.

Last night Pablo was over and we did our business fairly early (twice in fact - this guy can keep up!) and promptly passed out. Sometime around 3AM I awoke to shift (my arm is still fucked up and locks up when I sleep) which awoke Pablo.

I apologized, which turned into cuddling, which turn into making out...which...you get the idea. We probably didn't spend that much time - but enough time was spent in which I was briefly self-conscious and worried my Roomie might hear us, but whatever.

The thought process, which by the way is completely initiated by my libido, is as follows: Hey! Justin! Wake the fuck up! There's a still an attractive guy sleeping next to you! Do something about it!

And thus sweet, sweaty man-on-man love making commences. It's just so simple and inevitable. I've quizzed straight friends of mine, if this is the same case with them and their significant others, I can't trace anything resembling a consensus. So...I'm curious, anyone else know what I mean?

I REALLY WANT A 1993 GMC TYPHOON

This was the first thought that bubbled to the surface of my brain when I awoke this morning, and since it bears repeating, let's review: I REALLY WANT A 1993 GMC TYPHOON! I totally forgot about the still present hard-on I seem to harbor for this vehicle.

For those that don't know, allow me to dish some specs:

-4.3 Liter Turbo V6

-280+ HP/360+ lb. ft. of torque

-0-60MPH in 5 seconds flat

Even by today's standards that's fucking fast as shit. 16 years ago, it was positively mind blowing, especially in light of the fact that this was capable of a modified GMC Jimmy, (a very humble vehicle).

Somewhere/someone trolling in relative obscurity at General Motors thought, "hey, what can fascinate adolescent boys who like to draw pictures of cars named Justin"? Oh yes! Let's rock the shit out of a mediocre SUV, so that it can run against a Ferrari 348 and win! I would NOT be surprised if a 14 year old boy actually designed this thing.

Even before I obtained a driver's licence, I would see one particular example of this rare bad-ass ride parked within the 'hood I lived in at the time (BG in the hizz-ous!) and upon approach, I would actually ask my Mom or Dad (whoever was driving) to slow down so I could fog up the windows.

It was and still is a ridiculous answer to a fucked-up question no one ever asked. And I want one. Like 5 minutes ago. DANG!

PS - Yeah, I just said "dang". Out loud. And no one else is around. So what? Who cares?

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A LAMBORGHINI GALLARDO LP560-4

Dear Santa Claus,

I have been a (relatively) good boy all year. Any "mistakes" I have made, I think, are outweighed by the random piles of bullshit that have been thrown at me. Whether my car got sideswiped, or I got hit my a car or having various personal relationships not work, to say nothing of professional ones that result in termination, it's been anything BUT an easy year.

That's OK though. I am not wallowing in self pity. The actions I have taken will allow me to get on for some time in a mostly continuous fashion...with one exception. My unemployment benefits, while generous, would be even more so had I not a car payment to make. So, here's my idea; I don't ant any presents this Christmas, except for one:

Yes, I know it's a bit pricey, but I will gladly forgo having to make the monthly payments on my Acura, in exchange for this most modest of Lamborghini. And not to be picky, but can I have one in dark charcoal with orange leather? And if it's not too much trouble, please murder out those rims too. With matte paint.

Just listen to that V-10 wail!

Thanks!

Justin/Guy From Chicago

WHOOPS!

One of the highlights of this recent weekend was that I got to meet up with an old friend from high school who was in town for the weekend. We used to be really close back in the day, in fact she was my date for Senior Prom. For whatever reason we haven't seen or even talked in years. But thanks to the power of Facebook, she tracked me down and we made plans to hang out.

Saturday Night, after spending untold hours at a BBQ, she texted me and said she was in the area. My friend, her friend and I got back to my place, had some drinks, chatted and all that good stuff. She asked about a mutual friend of ours, and I said "oh! check out this funny picture of her on my phone...".

Well then she continued to scroll through my pictures, asking who various people are. "Who's the big guy with the Mohawk?" she asks, and I explain it's a good buddy of mine. And then she scrolls through the phone some more and says "UGH! Who's fucking dick is that!!!?"

F-U-C-K!

Back in June or July I took a picture of my dick for some unknown reason (lie) and had forgotten that it was still on my phone. Thinking quickly I said "oh....um, that's Mohawk Friend's dick, he likes to play practical jokes, [insert nervous laughter here], I told ya, he's a funny guy!"

Then I not so subtly reached for my phone, but my friend's friend snatched it out of her hand to get a closer look and declared, "DAYUM, that's one nice cock for a white boy". They never questioned why a straight friend of mine would take a picture of his Raging Boner with my phone. Thank God...that was close!